He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
