Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
