that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
