Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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