Your dad touched me again.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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