I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize