dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
