Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize
