My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
