Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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