My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
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