My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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