when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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