I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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