brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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