Where is the hickey?
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
