What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
