That's when you crack a 10am beer
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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