your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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