I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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