the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
ugly people sure do ruin things
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
