I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
