Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
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