Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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