im about as happy as oj after his trial
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
