Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
