we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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