If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
