your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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