Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Randomize
