Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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