I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
