You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
