i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
whose ass print is on the piano?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
