He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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