i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
