peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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