Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
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