does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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