babies were throwing up all over the place
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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