I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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