It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
