so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
