Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
this hospital has no fireball
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
