i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize