Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Randomize
