yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
i think i just lost a toe
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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