are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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