I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
