So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
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