so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
