I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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