My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
True strength comes from lack of pants
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
