I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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