glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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