Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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