he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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