well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Randomize
