His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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