Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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