mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
it's great music for shaving your balls
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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