my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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