I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
