Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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