Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize