it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
my being single is dangerous.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
