Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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