I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
